The Daily Gasp

(Next blog: The Nefarious Broadcasting Corporation.) Broadcasting back in time to the twenty-first century, it's the Daily Gasp and I'm your host. It's summer again here in Antarctica and the mutants are all coming back out of their hibernation holes for their annual migration to the coast. Please be careful when you are driving because they have very poor vision and hearing. A leading chemical manufacturer wants to restock the oceans with artificial fish. The fake fish will not be edible but may create the conditions to restore plant life to the oceans. And a terrorist with a baseball sized stone is threatening to smash a hole through our protective dome. He says he lives in a highrise and he used to play outfield. More at eleven.
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

The Oversight Committee

Moving on to a local concern about the oceans. Apparently the sea life is dying. All in favour of overlooking this concern, say 'aye'. Aye. The ayes have it. And our economy is too full of shit to be sustainable. We're headed for the worst economic times since the Great Depression. All in favour of overlooking this concern, say 'aye'. Aye.
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

The Televiligist

I know that many of my women followers are lost and need to know how they can repent of their sins. I have good news for them: God has given me the authority to be their sacrificial lamb. They can use my body to cleanse themselves of their sins. But they must hide nothing from me. In fact, they must outsin themselves to make sure that their souls are fully cleansed...
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Comedy Since 2006

By 2006, the laughs were drying up on TV. Someone needed to come along and push comedy into the new century. One man, a lone Canadian blogger had already proven his talent with plays in 2000 and short stories in 2004. In 2006 he began making daily entries, many of which took the form of humourous monologues. For George Carling and his flagging, funny friends, it was a prayer answered. He started out by lifting a blog about how a loving God wouldn't punish us, in order to see if he would be punished for it. When no punishment came it sent a signal to his funny friends on TV that the Canadian's blogs were open for plunder. The Canadian noticed what was happening to his work and it made his daily posts even funnier. But by the year's end he had to insist on punishing the network employees who stole from him. A week or so later he had a change of heart and decided to bury the hatchet. He figured that by showing that he could get people in trouble for committing fraud with his work, they'd leave him alone if he vacated the internet. But the evil stars wouldn't leave him alone. They were released and put in front of cameras to look innocent at the expense of their victim. They then went about building their fabulous careers out of their victim's abandoned work and taunted him until he was forced back online to protect his name. It's easy to see why these comedy superstars needed someone else to produce work for them. If they can get a thrill from committing comedy fraud, they have no sense of humour.
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© 2013. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Why I Dislike Banks

To date I've not authorized my work or my image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially. The banks have no problem holding onto money, no matter where it came from. There's a vault somewhere that holds ingots made from the fillings of death camp victims. And all the fraud money that was made from criminals broadcasting my work is in a bank somewhere. Banks want you to think they're on your side but they can't poke fun at themselves convincingly enough because they think they are perfect. That may be why banks and corporations need to make you think they are poking fun at themselves with my work. Anyway, I'm sure you all know how some bank tellers like to humiliate customers with low balances. I think that when they do it to a customer like me, who is owed such an enormous sum, they are acting very much like the bankers who tend that vault full of Nazi gold. And if I ever get my hands on the money I am owed, perhaps I'll take it elsewhere.
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© 2013. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Worse than They Look

To date I've not authorized my work or my image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially. I've listed imagination as the source of many of my scripts. The end result still depends on my experience. It was while homeless that I wrote of a public washroom with dogs who emerge from a hatch in the ground to drag users back to wash their hands. I had to be thinking of public washrooms to come up with that. When I started sharing my songs in 2007 I was on Employment Insurance benefits after a long career of full-time jobs as an industrial labourer. I had to work in each of those hard jobs to get ideas like Ouija board paint thinner, Vengisil irritating powder, Workplace Replicants, and so forth. Some of my ideas come from my living conditions, such as Hellville. My imagination would be worthless if my life did not furnish it with valuable applications. The ones who profited from my scripts didn't have to experience any of my problems. They never had cause for concern over issues like homelessness or social alienation. They probably don't even like dogs. And with a background in advertising and web design it should be no surprise that I write good advertising copy.
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© 2013. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Why I Use a Public Connection

I can afford a home connection to the internet but I don't trust the service provider here. I wrote a song that fits their advertising slogan and I've heard bad reports about their handling of personal mail. The other option is internet through the cable provider. I don't trust the cable provider. Whatever money cable customers have spent on comedy in the last six years has largely come from my pen. And no one has paid me a cent for my writing yet.
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