Whatever I Say

It's time for Whatever I Say, our glorious leader's favourite game show. Our guest today is a scientist. Is that correct? That is my occupation. So! An intellectual! Why are you here, sir? With your knowledge and expertise you should be heading up one of the five-year plans for technological advancement. Actually, that's just what I was doing. I thought the people loved me. The leader even let me lead the parade through Capital Square last year. I thought he felt the same way about me as the people did. But suddenly I was arrested in the middle of the night and brought to this show. Then perhaps you are one of those intellectuals who knows too much, hmm? Look here, now, I have served my country with honour. (Finger pointing out) You are an enemy of the people! (Men surround the scientist, tie him to his chair, and exit.) You will confess to this and much more! You can not force me to lie. I can force you to do whatever I say. (Cheers from the crowd.) And is it true that you dislike lemon meringue pie, professor? Good heavens! How did you know? Bring out the pies! Put a bib on the professor. We wouldn't want him to soil his shirt. BA HA HA HA HA... No!
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Smutline B.C.

The pornography ring has been busted with over two thousand drawings being seized. The artists are being interrogated and will likely appear at the next coliseum event. The Priestess of the Temple of Aphrodite is throwing another party. Guests are advised to be their own aphrodisiacs. And the emperor has decreed that he has the exclusive right to marry his sister. For papal indiscretions from the thirteenth century, stay tuned for Smutline A.D. coming up next.
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Changes

To date I've not authorized my work or my image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially. As I update my work, I may choose to leave older versions online but with restricted access. It helps to prove my ownership. I've recently revised the title of Grope to Stultified. I don't want to push it with that title humor. I had a nice, relaxing day yesterday. And I came up with some more new ideas to share today. Hope you like them.
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Clean Cutthroats

Stuart Ericson is our guest this evening on Clean Cutthroats. And Stu, you seem reasonably well groomed. Thank you. Do you have a girlfriend? As a matter of fact, I do. How delightfully normal! The Kansas City Tornado had a girlfriend, too. What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. And I hear you have a good, steady job. Yes, I work at the Post Office. Oh, the Post Office! You work at the old P.O. just like the Wolf of Wyoming. Now wait a minute! It's always the clean cut guys like you, isn't it? You charm us all with your phony smiles and your store-bought haircuts! No one suspects you because you have so many pals to vouch for you. 'Oh, it couldn't be our Stu! No, not our Stu!' Well, the Green Bay Hacker had lots of friends, too! What are you talking about? I'm a recluse! What's that you call yourself? A recluse? The Maryland Mangler was a recluse. I've had just about enough of this. Excuse me, what's in that duffle bag you brought with you? Duffle bag. Where? I didn't bring a duffle bag. Security! (Enter security.) It's on the floor beside his chair. He's been trying to cover it with his leg. (The security staff retrieve some suspicious looking objects from the bag and hold them up to the cameras.) That's a nice little rape kit you got there, Stu.
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Protecting My Virtue

To date I've not authorized my work or my image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially. I've posted a new song with the title of Virtue today. It is only authorized for my one YouTube account. Please keep an eye on it so it isn't treated as Innocent and Survival were. Did you hear God last night? Around midnight? Sounded like God was clapping out loud, really loud. So it's Friday. Good day for a party. How does everyone feel? I feel great. I think I might even go out for a drink. Hope the fans enjoy the new song. Before they split my music from my writing it was accepted by everyone that I work on my songs alongside my online posting. I'd like to return to that level of acceptance now because online posting is as natural to me as song writing and song sharing. If you've already seen a script of mine played out on television, it is still worth reading here, if only to learn the true source of these dialogues and what they were originally intended to express.
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Gentrification

Host: Welcome back to Gentrification, and this contest between Mason, a psychiatric patient from Riverview, Canada, and his unemployed, unskilled, alcoholic rival, Denis, is half over with Mason leading by twenty points. And now it's time for the table manners round. Gentlemen, would you seat yourselves? (They take their chairs and Denis leans forward with his elbows on the table. The host approaches him with a mallet.) And that's another ten point loss for Denis! No elbows on the table! (Denis quickly returns his arms to his side.) Bend your right arm please. Denis: Must I? Host: You must. (Denis reluctantly complies, and the host whacks the exposed elbow, coaxing a loud groan from Denis and cheers from the crowd.) Now that we are seated, we'll start with a nightcap. The meal will be pasta. Do we use white or red wine with pasta? Mason gets the first choice. Mason? Mason: Red. Host: And Denis? Denis: Red. Host: I'm sorry, red's taken. Denis: But that's the answer. Host: Hurry up or I'll fault you for holding up the game. Denis: But- Host: Say 'white'. Denis: (After a heavy sigh) White. (The host approaches Denis with a wine bottle.) The correct answer is 'red'. This time Denis loses twenty points. (He smashes the bottle over Denis's head and the audience cheers. Denis loses consciousness for a moment and needs to be revived by paramedics.) Denis, you may forfeit now or continue on. What is your choice. (Denis is unable to speak and the host leans in and pretends to hear an answer.) He says he wants to finish the game, folks! (The crowd cheers.) That brings us to the meal. Denis, since you have lost the last three rounds on Gentrification today, you only get a dog dish. You will find it under the table if you get down on all fours...
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Stories of My Life

To date I've not authorized my work or my image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially. I've apparently added a lot of old work to my blogs in the last year, so I'll I'll repeat for new readers that I used to have a home connection in 2007 which let me pour out a lot more volume than I can from the library now. That's why it's taking longer to regenerate these old works from my unchanged life. My home connection was with Telus. I'm not sure if I'm on friendly terms with that company right now. Because a great deal of this old work was seen on television, it has given many the impression that I am a hack or even a fraud. It's been a rough three years since I rewrote Size. Most people don't realize what performers did to me with my work. It was used to drive a wedge between me and the population. When stars say they own your work, it doesn't matter how many times it happens to you, the world sides with them against you. I've also been active online as an author of short stories since 2004. I may have shared them with Google in 2007. They compared favourably to Twilight Zone episodes; science fiction or fantasy with a moral theme woven into the plot. Some of you still may recall them: The Thinking Cap, Convict Kant, Immortality, and The Red Giant, to name a few.
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Life After Dateline

Do any of my readers watch Dateline? Why are you here? If I remember correctly, that program has been on my case since I first shared Preteen Queen in 2007, a harmless ditty meant to make the younger girls feel included, in the same spirit as Babydoll. I took it down because I seem to be the only one who hears it as an innocent song. And if they knew that song, it may have been from seeing it in my original post of The Show Must Continue, which was then, as it is now, linked to many of my songs. In early November 2007, shortly after I freely decided to quit online posting and to erase my work, I stumbled on a clip of a musician who looked my age being interviewed on Dateline. I would never want to be on Dateline. And is that fellow still with us? That was around the time Dateline told everyone to worship Tina Fey. Did I inadvertently release Tina Fey from jail by erasing my blogs when they told you to worship her? Then, when they punished her last year, they said Tina Fey worshiped me. Yeah, that's some worship: stealing my words and telling the whole world that I sock. But if they tell you I'm her idol, I look responsible for her crimes. Maybe this 'worship' of me, as they put it to you, was part of why they punished her behind my back with those original posts of mine for which my lawyers and I have been digging since February. Not once have they contacted me, but I hear about shows which were entirely built around me. Doesn't that give the impression that I belong to those ladies? If it does, it's a false and misleading impression. What has become of anyone who sits in my place on that show and lets the world mistake them for being me? Did they walk into a trap? What did people expect when they put an unemployed man from the wrong side of town on trial against popular stars? Did record-breaking numbers of viewers tune in to see me get burned at the stake? I've had it with that show. That's the only show anyone thinks they've seen me on and I've never been on it. Meanwhile, others steal my songs and writings and get on Saturday Night Live and MTV. Dateline only ever seems to want to interfere with my success, no matter how much pleasure my work has given my readers and listeners over the years. And they seem to be the most damaging when you think they are helping me. I hope my lawyers are reading this.
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How to Catch a Fraud

I met a George Carlin fan this morning and I don't know what to say to such people. I loved Carlin, myself, once. I don't want to begrudge others their pleasure, but what Carlin did to my erased work was really dirty. I erased all that stuff because it undermined my Christian faith. How dare he use my old writings to challenge my new work! Why can't these bums produce their own work if they want to challenge me? Thanks to his plagiarism, every damn comedian on the planet wants to be the next George Carlin with my erased blogs. And if they don't want to be him, they want to be his intellectual opponent, as Tina Fey's boyfriend was with my erased biblical humour. They're still up to this rotten trick, and I would greatly appreciate it if we could stop them in their tracks before they get too popular and start damaging my music to clear the way for their comedy fraud. The best way to do that is to view my blogs in the Wayback Machine. Copy and paste the text of my erased comedy into the Google search field to bring you to any outside pages which need to be flagged for fraud. Hope it's not asking too much of my supporters. Also, please keep an eye on my songs when I erase them or change their titles. Apparently some jerks think it hides their trail when they steal my music. And if I were you, I'd stop trusting networks and radio stations until my lawyers contact me with good news. I'll let you know if they do.
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The Good Night Show

Host: Our next guest is already with me in the guest chair. She's star of the new hit sitcom, Pretty Little Liars, Gladiola Glitz! (Cheers.) Thank you for being here. Glitz: You're welcome. Host: Now you flunked out of school and your SAT's showed a pronounced deficit in your intellect. So who dreamed up this brilliant new show of yours? Glitz: I did. (She smiles sweetly and the crowd cheers.) Host: I see. And you said that the profits from your last movie were donated to a food bank but they report that they never received the donation. What happened to the money? Glitz: My dog ate it. (Cheers.) Host: Oh well, at least your dog was fed. Anyway, you look very impressive on your new magazine cover. Is it true that you fit better into these glossy pictures by being two-dimensional? Glitz: What's two-dimensional? Host: You don't know? Stand up for a moment and I'll explain it. (She gets up.) Please show your side to the camera. (She turns and her image vanishes from view.) A two-dimensional object has only height and width but no depth. Are you two-dimensional? Glitz's Voice: No. (Cheers and whistling.)
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A Day in the Afterlife

Today on A Day in the Afterlife, the spirit world's most popular reality show, we'll meet Brad, who works as a teller at the virtue vault. (A bank. Brad waves the customer at the front of the queue up to complete a transaction.) Brad: What can I do for you? Customer: I'd like to deposit this money. Brad: (Smiling) You must be new! This is a virtue vault. Virtues are the only thing we treasure in the afterlife. Customer: You don't want my money? Brad: I'm afraid not. Do you have any virtues? Customer: Let me see... I guess I never broke the law. Brad: Obedience! Yes, that will do. Just reach into your heart and we'll store it safely away for you. (The customer complies and Brad takes the invisible prize from him. Without his obedience, the customer seizes Brad by the throat.) Customer: Gimme everything you got in your till! Brad: All I have is this compassion! Customer: Hand it over! NOW! (Brad pulls the compassion out of his drawer and passes it over the counter. As soon as he touches it, the customer is overcome by pity for his victim.) Are you all right? Did I hurt you? Brad: I just pushed a button to signal the police. You're going to jail. Customer: But I'm new to this afterlife! Brad: (Dispassionately) Tell it to the judge.
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More on Image

I've made no deals with anyone. To date I've not authorized my work or image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially. If a fan has my picture up on the wall behind her, that's quite acceptable, even an honour, as long as such fans don't diminish me by saying something with which I disagree. You can't blame me for being paranoid about how my image is used by strangers who never ask for permission when you consider the countless image violations I've had to struggle against up to now.
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Patience Is a Virtue

I had to chuckle at the latest retort. We're back to being 'chicken' again. Seems like we're going in circles with these retorts. This time they say I'm a coward because I don't want to face the media without my lawyers. Aristotle makes a distinction between courage and rashness. All those fools who wanted to be stars with my work without my permission weren't courageous or they wouldn't be in so much trouble now. They were rash. As I said before, I'm sharing my knowledge to benefit future internet stars. At the moment, we're still ironing out all the bugs in the old system. And one of the best bits of advice I can give to them is to avoid the media until they have a lawyer. The media don't care about you, they care about themselves. They don't care about your work, they care about their ratings. They would sell out your whole life to gain one new sponsor. Running headlong in front of their cameras is sheer suicide. And as for going out on a stage and facing a crowd, what crowd? A crowd of Nascos? A crowd of Simpsons fans? A crowd of Rolling Stones fans? Don't they see how premature that would be at this point? My true fans are happy with me as I am right now. And if any of them are waiting for me to play, their patience will one day be rewarded. Aristotle also makes a distinction between righteous indignation and spitefulness. The careful observer will see that my words have continuously expressed the former and not the latter. Look up Aristotle's Table of Virtues and Vices for more information of this type.
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Fraud in Heaven

There's a spring in my stride today. I got through a five-week wait for my cheque. Poverty imposes physical discomfort, but I am always at peace in my heart for following the Lord and staying on the side of virtue. Is it true about this fraud with my song? Did this fraud with my song tell you about those mean streets she was stuck in as she cruised comfortably past the beggars in her limousine? Did she sing of how she never knew she was special to a large crowd of fans? I hope she's enjoying her Heaven, along with Elizabeth Bathory and Irma Grese. Yes, and did she take Careful/Hopeful? She didn't ask for it. Seems to me she's a little young to be singing a song like that. On another note, I refuse to be compared with musicians who let their synthesizers compose their melodies. I'm not like that. I'm an artist. I want my songs to have a human touch. And if my songs are such failures, why am I constantly coming here to stop others from stealing them? Now can I be left alone for a few minutes while I update one of my playlists - if it's still in one piece?
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Book Report

Do you enjoy a good book? I've read a lot of books in my life, but one of them stands out as possibly the best novel. It is a work by a little known Russian author by the name of Mikhail Bulgakov. Even some Russians haven't heard of him. He did most of his work in the 1930's, I think, during Stalin's reign. He had the balls to write a letter to Stalin complaining of how literary freedom was suppressed under the Soviet regime. For this Bulgakov was not sent to a gulag but assigned to an artsy job. The Master and Margarita is not just a great page turner, it gets you thinking. Communist Russia was anti-religious and this story shows how the spirit of Russian culture was compromised by the suffocating dogma of the party. I personally find the greed of capitalism anti-religious and suppressive, at least when it is left unchecked for a couple of years with my music and writing in the hands of frauds. I won't spoil the story by telling you about it. I'll only tell you that one of the leading characters in the story is Satan. He takes on a strangely heroic role and even asks the Lord to save the souls of two of the other characters. Of course, it is a work of fiction and its author was clearly using the character of Satan in a vengeful, personal way. It ought not to be misunderstood as offering religious instruction.
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You're So Fantastic

I've made no deals with anyone. I've not authorized my work or image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially. Even though I don't communicate directly with anyone, I pick up a lot of information from listening to people talk to each other. Last night, if my sources are correct, I heard about the crushing fan response to another attempt at fraud with one of my songs. Well done! That's how we're going to win this fight. We're going to stay alert and hit them hard as soon as they make a move against us. I think my fans are pretty cool. As a matter of fact, I'm their fan. It takes courage to stand up for what's right in a society so corrupt. They should be proud of themselves. New fans, welcome aboard. I get the feeling that all this justice has shaken you up. You no longer need to panic at the sound of an approaching siren. The police are our friends. They care about virtue, just like we do. It used to be that the coolest rebels were outlaws, but that mindset has become so popular that now the police have become the coolest rebels. And when you think of all the goodies that the police might have been offered by wealthy stars and corporations to betray me, you really have to admire their integrity on this matter.
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Burn in Hell

I almost succumb to violence when I think of how this industry has treated its youngest consumers with my music and laughs. They used my work to break their hearts. Children live very intense lives. Something which looks trivial to us, like their faith in an internet star, can be traumatizing for them if it is attacked. It can scar them for life. These industry monsters deserve the very worst punishment for their crimes against my youngest fans.
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You Don't Need Them

Boy, are some people ever envious of me out there. They don't envy me while my name and image are dragged through the mud, though. They only envy me when I outlast it. I must address the latest comeback before I get on with the main point of this entry. Hey, Dave, you're gay! I'm going to analyze this and try to determine its source. I suspect that it may come from a performer who thinks I should be performing like he does, so I can get chicks. Sounds like an ordinary star, the kind of person who blows a label to get his job, the kind of 'star' who I may one day look down upon when I go to my Heaven. My talent and intelligence makes him so insecure that he must attack my sexuality with a feeble, witless putdown, in order to feel vindicated. Of course, I'm only guessing. If there is a gap opening in programming and talent on your TV, maybe it was there all along and now you're seeing it for the first time. You don't need fraudulent performers who rely on my songs; you have me. You don't need fraudulent comedies or fraudulent cartoons which rely on my writing; you have me. They can't generate new content. They can only offer you what I already shared - and charge you money for it! I could fill this whole content gap myself, and I could replace those old stars with new stars. I know I could do this, but I need my money first, to ensure that I would have full creative control. That's why I'm waiting patiently for my lawyers to get all this crooked business straightened out in our favour. In the meantime, I can still give you new work within my current modest conditions. At least it's honest. And, well, some of us do the work in this business while others pat themselves on the back for having sex.
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Payment Enough for Now

I am happy with what I've done here so far. Besides authoring a vast store of good, solid work, I have brought enlightenment to the good people of our consumer culture. I have always believed that it is the goal of an artist to raise public consciousness, to heighten awareness. It seems that I have paid a high personal price to do this, but now your eyes are open. Now you have my penetrating insight. Now you can shield yourself from unwanted manipulation. This may make living more intense, but it also makes it more fulfilling.
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Note on Sound Quality

My listeners have probably noticed a steady improvement in the quality of my recordings since I came back online in 2010. It took a long time for me to master the art of home recording, and my first hundred or so recordings are somewhat sloppy sounding. I'm sorry about that. If you love one of my old songs, perhaps I'll have the chance to make a good recording of it later. For now I'm trying to generate new songs.
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A Hand of Friendship

I should try to be more clear about how I express my religion. I think all religions are acceptable, as long as they compel followers to be good and to strive for spiritual perfection. Buddhism doesn't have a Supreme Being, but its lessons are compatible with the teachings of Christ. Buddhists, I gather, believe in a spirit world, but they do not see a Supreme Hand running it; they believe it runs on its own. That is fair. I hope they don't think I am pushing my religion on them. Faith is ultimately personal, and if anyone else went what I went through in the last six years, they'd understand why I subscribe so profoundly to my Christian faith.
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The Daily Truth

I almost forgot to make my daily announcement that my isolation remains unbroken. I've made no deals with anyone. I've not authorized my work or image to be used anywhere outside my one YouTube account or my one Google account. To date I've received no compensation for works of mine which were used commercially.
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How to Listen

A good artist breathes life into his work. His work takes on a life of its own. I think of my songs as independent entities, with their own lives, which may explain how successful they have been in attracting listeners while in the hands of others. But this dirty business has made an all-out effort to make my music more about the musician. They want your listening experience of my music to be corrupted by what they tell you about me. Whatever they tell you about me, it does not diminish the beauty of my work. When I first shared my songs, you knew you could trust them because you could see that I was writing them from my heart and not from my bank account. I hope it won't be too much longer before we can all return to that time. I hope you'll judge my songs on their own merits and not on mine. By the way, the first thing my lawyer told me when I saw him again in February was to 'expect nothing'. I would appreciate it if all my music and comedy fans could adopt this mindset. My work is available right now, without any participation of the big music labels or TV networks, to be enjoyed by the whole world. My work is not about wanting to be a rock star or a TV star, it's about my life.
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